A characteristic that usually leads the list is that of being proactive, rather than reactive in our lives. Proactive people tend to get what they want, whereas reactive types tend to take what they get.

There's a big difference between the two.

But in order to get what we want, we first have to know what it is we want. I'm continually surprised at how few people have actually given that issue much thought. It's no wonder many of us go through life in a fog, not terribly unhappy, but not really happy, either. We're simply going through the motions, taking our lumps, and not expecting too much in return.

One of the key skills of high achievement is goal setting. To live a balanced and productive life, we need goals in three areas: personal and professional development; family and friends; and financial and career. It's the three-legged stool syndrome: if one of the three "legs" is shorter than the rest (neglected or short-changed), the stool is out of balance.

Many people who set goals for the first time comment how tough it is. They've never thought about what they truly want, or that they can make what they want happen if only they'd focus on what it is they desire.

To be effective, goals should be specific. It's no good to say we want to exercise more. That type of goal is too vague for us to determine whether or not we've succeeded. Something like "I will exercise for 30 minutes a minimum of three times a week" is a better goal statement.

If you set a goal of spending more time with family, be specific about what that means. Does it mean a family activity once a month, or once a week? Does it mean being home for dinner most evenings? Does it mean coordinating extended family get-togethers?

A goal of going back to college or graduate school is fine. But then break that "big picture" into smaller steps: what field of study, what steps are required for admission to the program, and how many courses will be taken this year? When we break the big goal into smaller steps, we can see each step as a rung on a ladder, each one leading us further toward accomplishing our goal.

Set realistic, but challenging goals. Small goals don't inspire. If you're unsuccessful in meeting your timelines, re-set them and try again. But stay focused on what you want.

Determine whose help you'll need in accomplishing the goal. No one does it alone. Have you ever noticed how many people an author acknowledges at the start of a book? It takes lots of help to accomplish goals, and proactive people seek out the help they need.

Maybe the most important part of goal setting is making a written plan. Written goals have a much higher likelihood of being accomplished than goals we carry around in our heads. Then keep the written plan somewhere you'll see it on a daily basis: your computer screen saver, your calendar, or on a bulletin board near your desk.

It's amazing what we can achieve in our lives - if only we are clear about what we really want, and take the time to write it down and follow through.